Today

Today was settling. sorting things out feels nice <3

Loving myself

So boy was a fluke. Boys are moronic. i need to stick to girls. ha!! But i'm learning to have fun with myself, remember who i was and know i learned it through dan and with him, but know its me to keep it around and grow with it. Life's difficult. Just gotta punch it in the face and say F**K YOU i'm not giving in!

Tonight.

I can't wait. that boy's coming over tonight. =) I can say i'm happy, through all the shit i deal with and all the complications right now, it makes me happy to know he's willing, at 1:30 am, come all the way out to me. The rain doesn't even bother me right now.

Living again

I met this guy again. He's so wonderful. pushing me for what i want. he's gorgeous too. I'm happy i know him and we're trying to see where things lead. I really can't wait. Even though I'm healing, this last weekend was so wonderful. it helped me so much. I can't wait to learn what my life brings now.

Looks?

You always said to not go down the chain after we broke up, to only go up with looks, date someone better looking then you. did you not take your own advice? you always said you would never date her when we where dating, that she had smaller tits then me (that you wouldn't date her cause they where so small it would be crazy to go from mine to hers), worse looks, chubby like me. so to me that means i'm prettier then her... but yet. after only two weeks apart your with her. i'm confused. did you decide to go down or where you lying?

its been a while... my lifes a lie now...

why do i feel douped? like i was pushed on a lie? that everyone is just lying to me to try to make me feel better sometimes? why does it make me feel worse? why can't i understand life and how it works and why some people can love but still give it away but say they still love the person? I don't understand. I always learned that if you love it and it loves you, don't get rid of it. love conqures. but you say you love me, but you want to let me go rather then anything else. i mean i guess the saying to "love and lose is better then to never love at all" is true, but it doesn't feel it, the hurts so much. why do i feel like the last few weeks, the last promises of trying to make things better where a lie, that you knew this was gonna happen, that you knew that you one day soon where gonna be with katie, that you knew you had to hurt me to be happy, but you lied and said we'll work on it...