today

its been more difficult this weekend. visited SIU for unofficial and to see my bf and brother this weekend. but the problem was is that this week i was switching. so going to SIU it was good. but while i was there i freaked out. i switched all the way. so leaving i was really depressed. and i don't know how to explain it to anyone, especially the boyfriend, how i feel and that i miss him so much and that i can't rationalize why its so bad this time, which makes me freak out more. i really miss my boyfriend and wish he could visit two weekends in a row. i'm hoping works not a dick now and schedules me for the weekend he's coming in. but i wish the bf would come both for halloween here and the weekend after. I really enjoy being with him and his touch and everything. and i feel like it doesn't come across. but i feel like this past weekend was a hard one to go by. I just hope he feels like it is going good and everything.